Don't "Should" on Yourself!

Courtesy Google.com

"I should have known." I sighed and continued my sad story. "I shouldn't have done that. Maybe then that wouldn't have happened."

It was mealtime at a retreat for the wives of pastors when I said those words. The lady I'd been talking with suddenly took my name badge and wrote on the back of it, "I will not 'should' on myself."

As she handed it back, she said, "You've said that several times in the last few minutes. You're trying to live in a perfect world that doesn't exist. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time."

That got me to thinking. We all tend to entertain the delusion that life should be a certain way and that bad things shouldn't happen to us. "If only we had or hadn't done such and such, painful episodes in our lives wouldn't have happened." But that's fanciful thinking.

The truth is that very painful, unfair things can and do happen in the real world. And they happen to us. They even happen to those who love and serve the Lord. Christians can hurt us, and we can hurt others.

When we dwell on the "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts," we only add further damage to our emotional and spiritual well being.

Instead of worrying about what we or someone else should or shouldn't have done, we need to get our minds off the past and focus on how we can overcome it now. We can't change the past. What's done is done. but we can learn from the past and profit from those lessons today.

When we realize that "nothing good lives in [us], that is, in [our] sinful nature" (Romans 7:18a, NIV), we will not be surprised when people commit sinful acts. It is not right; it is not pleasant. But given man's sinful nature, which even we as Christians must constantly fight against, evil is not surprising. Even the Apostle Paul wrote, "I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out" (7:18b).

Realizing the truth about evil, we must fight it with all the strength available to us through God's power. And we "can do everything with the help of Christ who gives [us] the strength [we] need" (Philippians 4:13).

So, don't "should" on yourself! Confess your mistakes, learn from them, and move on.